Dear Parents,
If your child, whether she or he is a minor or an adult, is considering sexual reassignment surgery, I strongly urge you to support your child. Let me rephrase and be more accurate: I implore you to support your child.
If your child has gone through the advised steps of working with professionals and has been living as the gender with which she identifies, you do not need to fear that this surgery will be a "mistake" that cannot be undone. And if your child is an adult, this is ultimately her decision for which you cannot be held responsible anyhow.
But if you are misguidedly thinking that this surgery is "elective" and that your child is "choosing" something that is not necessary, you are completely and totally misinformed. ALL surgery, technically, is elective. We choose surgery to save our health and our lives and your transgender child is no different. Your child's emotional and psychological health and possibly his or her actual life may depend on this surgery. Will you willingly withhold your love and support when your child needs it the most?
Can you possibly put out of your mind that your child's surgery involves removing something and instead focus on what is being restored? Your child's peace of mind, greater ease and comfort in her or his own body, the ability to live as normally as possible as the gender your child actually is inside-don't you want these things for your child?
It's not so hard-just think of it as any typical surgery. Leave the room when dressings are inspected, and come back again to help him or her sip water, to help keep your child comfortable, and to hold her hand, or his hand, when she needs to remember that she is not alone. Are you willing to let your child stay in a hospital room with no one there to let her know she's loved? Can you honestly sit back and say to yourself, "Well, she brought this on herself", knowing that your child will wake up in a strange room, alone?
There are people who have gone through this process alone. They have managed to overcome adversity without the support of their loved ones but if you asked them, I am sure they would tell you they wished for something different.
Being a parent has always been and will always be about giving. It is often a thankless job-or so it seems on the surface. But the peace of mind I am GETTING by being here with my child as she changes her body to match her identity is something I never counted on. It was always about giving my daughter support, but the feeling of "rightness" is so pervasive that I feel like I am benefitting as well.
Most organized religions tell us we are to serve each other and that is doubly so when it comes to our children. "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, you do unto me" is how one infamous Jewish carpenter put it. If you cannot put aside your fear of "sin" and "immorality" or your fear of loss, then support your child for that reason alone-because we were instructed to do so.
This gesture, if you can make it for the sake of your child, is its own leap of faith. Take your child's hand, close your eyes and for the sake of your child, please, just do it-leap madly and wildly. I promise you will both land safely on the other side, together. After that, you'll figure out the rest of your relationship together, one day at a time.
If your child, whether she or he is a minor or an adult, is considering sexual reassignment surgery, I strongly urge you to support your child. Let me rephrase and be more accurate: I implore you to support your child.
If your child has gone through the advised steps of working with professionals and has been living as the gender with which she identifies, you do not need to fear that this surgery will be a "mistake" that cannot be undone. And if your child is an adult, this is ultimately her decision for which you cannot be held responsible anyhow.
But if you are misguidedly thinking that this surgery is "elective" and that your child is "choosing" something that is not necessary, you are completely and totally misinformed. ALL surgery, technically, is elective. We choose surgery to save our health and our lives and your transgender child is no different. Your child's emotional and psychological health and possibly his or her actual life may depend on this surgery. Will you willingly withhold your love and support when your child needs it the most?
Can you possibly put out of your mind that your child's surgery involves removing something and instead focus on what is being restored? Your child's peace of mind, greater ease and comfort in her or his own body, the ability to live as normally as possible as the gender your child actually is inside-don't you want these things for your child?
It's not so hard-just think of it as any typical surgery. Leave the room when dressings are inspected, and come back again to help him or her sip water, to help keep your child comfortable, and to hold her hand, or his hand, when she needs to remember that she is not alone. Are you willing to let your child stay in a hospital room with no one there to let her know she's loved? Can you honestly sit back and say to yourself, "Well, she brought this on herself", knowing that your child will wake up in a strange room, alone?
There are people who have gone through this process alone. They have managed to overcome adversity without the support of their loved ones but if you asked them, I am sure they would tell you they wished for something different.
Being a parent has always been and will always be about giving. It is often a thankless job-or so it seems on the surface. But the peace of mind I am GETTING by being here with my child as she changes her body to match her identity is something I never counted on. It was always about giving my daughter support, but the feeling of "rightness" is so pervasive that I feel like I am benefitting as well.
Most organized religions tell us we are to serve each other and that is doubly so when it comes to our children. "Whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, you do unto me" is how one infamous Jewish carpenter put it. If you cannot put aside your fear of "sin" and "immorality" or your fear of loss, then support your child for that reason alone-because we were instructed to do so.
This gesture, if you can make it for the sake of your child, is its own leap of faith. Take your child's hand, close your eyes and for the sake of your child, please, just do it-leap madly and wildly. I promise you will both land safely on the other side, together. After that, you'll figure out the rest of your relationship together, one day at a time.
Well mom it is clear you really do get it. Bravo.
ReplyDeleteIf people only knew how easy it is to "get" if you're just willing to try, more would "get it". JUST DO IT.
ReplyDeleteAuthor
Very well written! I wish that my fellow Christians felt the way that you do - and that some of them could have lived through all that you have lived through. Perhaps if they had seen all the pain that JD was having before transitioning to DJ, they might feel a little less judgemental. Love, not judgement is the key IMHO. Give DJ a big hug from those of us in the digital world.
ReplyDeleteTake care!