Thursday, February 6, 2014

Lives touching

DJ is quite happy in the choices of classes she's currently taking.  She's decided to pursue a degree in physics which will require her transferring to a four year college on completion of her associate's degree from a local community college.

This local community college is actually a town over from where we live.  There's another one even a bit further away, but that would require travel into the "big city" which she doesn't relish.  Last semester, she crossed paths with former high school classmates, and it completely unnerved her and she dropped the class.  We completely supported that decision, and, in fact, encouraged her to reconsider the drive into the "big city"; especially since it's not actually a big city, just an incredibly congested suburb of a big city.  She really likes her community college and looked forward to taking continued classes with some of her professors and elected to stay the course.

This semester, she shares a single class with a single former classmate from high school.  In fact, she's known this kid since she was a small child.  This young man knew DJ as JD from ages 6-14.  She said she initially tried to avoid him, but ended up being assigned to his group the first day.  After some slight awkwardness, they apparently got on quite well.  "He's different now," she says.  He's determined to make good grades, and is dedicated to school.  Keep in mind, this kid was never mean spirited to her, so I shouldn't be wary......but.....well, I still am.

She can be too trusting-or Bulldog and I fear that.  We worry that somehow her old life will bleed into this new one that has, with great care, been created.  She's worked hard to create this new life that encompasses her true self, as have we.  It makes me nervous, having these two lives touching like this.  I remember the pain and the fear that we all experienced when she first came out.  She really thought all those friends would accept.  They could accept the theory, but couldn't get past the new girl in the dress.  When they couldn't, it sent her into a spiral and us too.  It took a year and a half to climb out of that pit.  I don't want her, or us, to go back.

I try to remember that she has matured and has truly grown into herself which makes her less vulnerable....the realization brings some comfort but I'm still edgy.  I will keep this to myself, however, or only share with Bulldog, but not with DJ.  I've expressed my opinion about exercising caution when extending trust to people-which is true for all of us.  I made it a short, 2 minute conversation. I am bound and determined to not be worrisome in a way that she'll see, but man, does this make me

I'm curious-other parents out there, or any transgender folks who care to comment-is the climate changing out there?  It seems so, in the media, anyhow.  But what is it like in the schools and the neighborhoods?  Are the younger kids who transition more accepted than the older ones?  Does age have any bearing?   I hope someone will chime in.  I think there are some parents who might like to network.  I know I would be happy to be part of such a network.