Thursday, January 19, 2012

Seein' red today

I'm angry today. I'm puttin' that out there so if you're not in the mood for reading about someone else's anger, you can switch pages now.  Fair warning....

I came home to an empty house because DJ is still in the hospital.  She is doing better and I think the programs she is taking part in are helping her tremendously.  I'm only guessing here with what I'm about to propose because she is still somewhat stiff upper lip with Bulldog and me, but I think she is getting to the core of her pain that she shoved inside to remain in the closet for 15 years, and pretended wasn't there when she finally came out.  It's a process that will take time and we will stand by whatever path helps her.

But when I came home to the empty house, I was already on a quiet simmer.  Maybe it's because I miss her-a lot.  Maybe it's because I knew I'd have to scoop the litter box since she isn't here to do it.  Maybe it's because my life is topsy turvy and I crave some regular routine...or maybe I'm wanting to blame the ignorant hate mongers in the world who helped put her where she is right now.

So, I headed down to the den in the basement-the room that we spent time and money on so DJ would have a place to entertain her friends, and a place to play music, compose music and perhaps get away from her parents.  I decided to finally put away some Christmas stuff that I had left there when I saw her guitar propped up next to the piano-looking unused and forgotten.  And then I started thinking about how much Bulldog and I both miss hearing her play the piano, and the guitar and how much I miss hearing the music she composes.  That's when I started to really boil...not in a way that makes me yell, because like I said, the house is empty and I get no satisfaction whatsoever from knowing that my goofball German Shepherd Calley and my ancient, 20 year old cat, Courtney, would feel the brunt of my verbal volcanics.

So, I grabbed my laptop and here I am.

Aside from our immediate family's concerns, I have a relative who was just released from the hospital.  Her serious, life threatening illness forced her to quite smoking cigarettes and pot.  She admittedly has been in various stages of a drug induced haze since her childhood when her father beat the crap out of her on a daily basis.  This cousin is also a lesbian, so when she wasn't getting beat at home, she was sometimes facing verbal abuse, or worse, in her hometown.  Our talk turned to the subject of Facebook where she shared that other, distant, family members were verbally bashing "freaks" like transgender folks.  I'm not sure if they verbally bashed gays and lesbians during this time, but they've been known to do it in the recent and not so recent past.  One of my family members spoke up wondering how I would feel if I were to see the posts.  The post was apparently deleted after her comment.  To my cousins' credit, and to the credit of Mimi, Bean and Flying Pig, none of them breathed a word to me.  And this happened nearly a year ago.  Since that time, the person who uttered the most hateful words of all has corresponded with me on occasion, on FB and through the old fashioned mail.  So, not only is she ignorant, but she is a coward as she pretends to befriend me while she mocks my child.  Yes, my child, not just transgender people, because I told her myself about DJ.  She knew about DJ when she made those comments.  I can and will consider it a direct insult to my child and anyone who shares a similar struggle.

So, my anger at this "relative" (a person who is older than I am and cannot be excused because her immaturity is in spite of her chronological age) easily blossomed into blaming her and everyone like her for much of DJ's suffering.  Yes, DJ would be struggling with the fact that some of her parts don't match who she feels she is anyway, but I think her struggles are magnified at least tenfold because of the bitter hatred and willful misunderstanding and maligning at the hands of much of society.  Why can't people just keep their hateful opinions to themselves?  My opinions are mine and you may not agree, but I don't spew poisons that incite hatred in others, publicly no less.

These folks want their world to be exactly as they see it, as far as their eyes can see.  It's not enough that they can live freely in their homes, or at work, on vacation, in church.  But they want public areas to be theirs too.  They want no censorship of their thoughts because they think the whole world is theirs and that they shouldn't have to share:  they shouldn't have to shut their traps if they don't want to, even if they hurt someone in the process; they don't want to have to take down religious icons from public places even though they can display them proudly in their homes, cars, their churches, on their person, because they want to see what they want no matter who they may offend or exclude.  And they act like Facebook belongs to them too. Yeah, right, the airwaves belong to each of us.  We can say what we want and "screw you if you don't like what I post, you don't have to read it".  Except yes I do when it pops up on my screen. By the time I realize what trash it is, I've already read it.  But I don't have to read it again.

Then, they get pissed off.  "It's a free country" they reply.  No, idiot-freedom of speech means you won't be thrown in jail for saying publicly that the president is a muslim or something equally stupid and irrelevant.  It does not mean you are protected from people taking issue with your position and perhaps deleting you from FB or their lives.  Ask the Dixie Chicks- they took a gamble, exercised their right to free speech and now their career is in the toilet.  That's the chance you take.

You know what's wrong with these folks?  They need to repeat kindergarten.  They need to learn how to share (the earth, the airwaves, public places, the government, the resources, but NOT their opinions please), to take turns, to not say anything at all if you can't say something nice, to be kind to your neighbor, to say "please" and "thank you" and to be courteous.  It's not like our kindergarten teachers said, "These are the rules, except for when you meet someone different than you. Then, you may disregard the aforementioned."

If only people could just shut the hell up in public arenas.  This is America;  bitch all you want in the comfort of your home and your car.  You must share the other spaces in the world with EVERYBODY.  We all have a F - - - - - - right to be here and to be who we are, as long as we are not hurting anyone.  And don't even start that crap about homosexuals "hurting" the institution of marriage.  If a cop can't put you in jail for it, or if your employer can't fire you for it, or if the ACLU can't successfully sue you for it, you're probably not actually "hurting" anyone.  Generally-and here's where I get to throw out the religion card-if it ain't in the Ten Commandments, you're probably ok.  Nothing in there about homosexuality, or transgenderism, hell, marriage isn't even defined there.  Follow those 10 rules pretty closely and you're not likely to hurt anyone.  I challenge the hate mongers, who usually use the Bible as their defense, to top that one.  The only "law" that tops that in the Bible is Jesus' commandment "to love each other as I have loved you."  Go ahead, try to tell me that your messages of hate and nonacceptance and exclusion don't violate that.

In the meantime, can I interest any of those verbose hate mongers in helping to pay for a hospital bill?  The way I figure it, you earned it more than DJ or we did.