Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Fashion sense

If you are the mom of a FTM (i.e., female to male-that's a genetic female who identifies as a male) then fashion sense, or the lack thereof, isn't that big a deal.  After all, once you and your new son are all ok with his moving forward with starting his transition, it's a matter of basically t-shirts and jeans for the average teenage son.  You may have to add a few collared shirts, a tie maybe, some khaki pants...not that huge an endeavor.  Now, I'm arriving at this conclusion because my two sons were happy in the aforementioned attire.

However,  if your new son wants to be more GQ, we are on opposite ends of the same boat.  No matter what end of the boat you're in, this is an adjustment period.  Now, if you happen to be sitting on this family's end of the boat, and your child is ready to initiate her transition, fashion sense may or may not come easily.  We have a number of warring factors here:  first of all, she missed out on all the little girl years of wearing dresses and the like.  AND, she may want to make up for that, subconsciously, by choosing RIDICULOUS confections. The frillier, the better.  Sparkles?  Well of course.  Animal prints? Hell to the yes!!!

Make up-in many cases an absolute must so that the person will "pass".  At all costs, we want to avoid the "double take" look because that means our appearance has just missed its mark, which is anathema figuratively, and in tragic cases, literally.  But we want to avoid the drag queen look because that is reserved specifically for....well....drag queens.  They are SUPPOSED to be an exaggeration of the female look.  They are SUPPOSED to appear quite theatrical and dramatic.  They are SUPPOSED to stand out.  Trans folks do not want to stand out, they want to blend in, as a rule.  (BTW-drag queens are not by definition transgender.  Some may be, but in most cases, this is a career move for them, NOT who they are. And transvestites are folks who dress in the opposite gender for satisfaction of some sort, again, this is not who they are, but who they think it's fun to pretend to be, usually for gratification reasons.)

Hair-we've already talked about that in previous blogs.  Suffice it to say, DJ is like many girls, she wants to experiment with her look.

But let's get back to clothes.  DJ just doesn't get, or doesn't want to get that cocktail party attire is NOT what one wears to, say, Wal-mart unless of course she wants to be on, an excellent source for Halloween costume inspiration.  So, when she appeared from her room this morning to accompany me to the aforementioned place of business, this is what she was wearing:  a bustier styled top with purple velvet ruffles at the waist, a knee length black skirt with a hint of black tulle peaking out from the bottom. She couldn't find her strapless bra so she wore a black leopard print bra which was peaking out of her bustier top.  The piece de resistance, however, were the glitter peep-toe stilettos.    The look on Bulldog's face was priceless when she....I want to say "sashayed" out of her room, but that's not even close to being right.  The girl has not mastered the art of walking in ridiculous heels that her mother actually purchased for her.

She thinks it's stylish.  In no uncertain terms, I told her she was wrong.  I think my words were, "You look trampy as s - - -."  In my defense, I was good natured in my verbal abuse and she knew I had no malicious intent because she just gave me a "don't be silly" look.  However, once we arrived at Wal-mart, she had misgivings, I think.  First of all, once does not make such a shoe choice if one intends to do very much walking.  But the girl has to learn the hard way, just like I did at her age.  Second, in the glaring sunlit parking lot, she realized how much she stood out, which was not her intent.  She just wanted to enjoy sparkly, glittery, soft, ruffly, girly, fun clothes ALL AT THE SAME TIME.

After nearly slipping multiple times, hiking up her dress to cover her bra even more frequently, I think she realized that she might be willing to be inconvenienced with one bothersome article of clothing at a time, and that's it.  Welcome to the fashion world young lady.