My cousin posted a picture on FB some weeks ago. It was an x-ray of two people kissing. Unless you are an expert in identifying skull characteristics, you would never know the gender of the two people kissing. Sometimes, don't you wish we didn't have to see each other? Wouldn't it be amazing if we communicated simply by talking or telepathy? No visual data to skew our perceptions?
No consenting adults would be denied the right to marry. Homosexual couples could openly dance at the weddings of heterosexuals. No one would freak out at Cheerios commercials depicting bi-racial couples. Obese people would not feel the humiliation of self-righteous stares. Unattractive people would be hired based on their abilities and not passed over for someone who may be less able but more attractive. Transgender people wouldn't be transgender-they would just be who they are. Male, female, neither, both. It just wouldn't matter.
I was watching reruns of "How I met your mother." We have Netflix and we're on this crazy kick of watching 4-5 episodes in a sitting. (Don't judge :) That's the same amount of time it takes to watch a movie!!) We're up to season 3 and as much as I like the show, I've noticed that the writers could not make it through a single season without making a "tranny" joke. First of all, what a freaking offensive word. Second-the show took place less than a decade ago in allegedly hip and accepting Manhattan, and one of the cast is openly gay in his personal life. It seems the lowest type of joke when we have to resort to mocking the appearance of others for a laugh. It stings every time a joke is made because it makes me wonder how DJ feels hearing it.....
As soon as I feel discouraged ( and I often do) I try to remember about the stories I hear about people who accept and embrace and love the folks who tell them, "Listen, my name isn't Linda. I go by Mark now. I hope we can still be friends." I try to remember to practice patience-many people will come around, given some time. Ideally, everyone would say, "Mark? Got it. And of course we're still friends. Although, this might make gift shopping harder because guys are harder to shop for than girls." But most have to go through that, "Wait....What?" moment. That is often followed by their concern about making a mistake in using the right pronouns, forgetting to use the correct name, trying not to stare on noticing obvious physical differences.....which may make some people withdraw. Others are just superficial, small minded folks whose uncharitable behavior needs to be viewed as what it is-kinda sad, actually. Don't get me wrong-this sounds great on paper; often, I would prefer to simply bitch-slap such people. Truly. But I don't want to go to jail and I don't want to sink to their level, and besides, people like that don't learn from a proper bitch-slapping anyway.
When you feel like you wanna bitch-slap someone, when you feel like the world is just plain ugly and it makes you despair of your own future happiness or the happiness of your beloved child, or relative, go to this website:
www.wegiveadamn.org Add it to your FB feed. You will get updates a number of times a week that usually offer great news about what is happening in the LGBT world. Positive stories about how the straight and narrow world is becoming less narrow minded. More open hearted. You'll find out how the LGBT community is helping itself AND how straight/natal gendered folks are understanding the importance of being a helping hand instead of a palm in someone's face.
When you're walking through Lowe's and someone acts like they suddenly don't know you, or you mention your daughter, and co-workers look at each other with raised eyebrows, reach out as soon as possible to a source that will remind you that there are still many, many homes with lanterns in the window. Refuge from the storm, no matter how short lived, will give you strength. Folks-we're winning. Slowly, but surely. Hell, even a federal judge in Virginia cited the unconstitutionality of not allowing gay couple to marry. VIRGINIA!!! There's hope, but sometimes you gotta pull out the magnifying glass to see it. Blessings to you who are brave enough to be your true self and to you who are brave enough to love your family member who has come out. XO
