What's next for our girl?

With one year of high school remaining, we must decide from where DJ will graduate.  None of us wants to see her return to the school in our small town.    The nearest private school may suffice, but there is still a fear that if word got out about her past, that she will branded once again.  She won't be just a girl, she'll be the "girl who used to be a guy" or the "transgender girl".  Enough already.

We're considering a boarding school that's about 75 miles away and will allow her to come home on the weekends, but we feel committed to having her in a family environment, if at all possible.  Therefore, we are seriously considering having DJ live with her aunt, Apple, over in Europe.  It will mean we will not see her but a handful of times over the course of nearly a year, but more importantly, it will also mean a completely fresh start for our girl.

Bulldog and I talked to her about the choices we can consider and the Apple Plan is looking pretty exciting to her.  We are asking that she give all choices serious thought over this long weekend and choose two schools, so that we can start the balls rolling on Plan A(pple) and Plan B.

My heart is so divided-just thinking of her leaving makes me miss her already, but I know that to let her go will be another gift to help her toward her future as, simply, a young woman.

Transgender child makes the front page of a major newspaper

Dear Readers,

Because I am technologically challenged, I am having difficulty embedding a video recapping a story that the Washington Post, THE major newspaper in the Washington D.C. area, ran on the FRONT page on Sunday with the title below:


Transgender at Five

Click on the link and you will be directed to the narrative from an interview between the author of the article, Petula Dvorak,  and the mother of the young boy about whom the article was written.  Maybe this is the beginning of the turning of the tide.  Let's hope so....

Two weeks later

We filmed DJ from the moment we left our house until she got back in the car to go home.  We also took still photos.  On our return home, DJ got to work stringing together the short video segments and the photos, adding music and graphics and showed it to us this afternoon.  It was moving and made me just boo-hoo all over the place-especially at the end where she tacked on a message to Bulldog and me.

Then Bean and Saint came over to see how our girl was doing. Saint gave DJ multiple kisses and brought her a "People" magazine and they both brought her a giant bouquet of flowers. After that, we sat down to a home-cooked meal of spaghetti and meatballs.  We finished the night laughing over "Mythbusters" and then DJ headed off to bed.

Tomorrow marks the first day of dilating four times a day.  She didn't seem nearly as concerned about it when she turned in tonight like she did just a couple of days ago.  It's amazing what a day or two will bring to a person's outlook.  It's amazing what a mere two weeks can do for a person's expectations for the rest of her life.

Home again, home again

It's good to be home.  DJ did great on the ride home thanks to the blow up donut pillow.

The night before we left, we had dinner out at a hip little waterfront restaurant where ducks were congregating.  She was in a great mood-glad to be out and about and ready to move on with her life.

Interestingly, however, she is a bit overwhelmed at the prospect of dilating four times a day.  She thinks it will be difficult to manage in spite of already being used to doing it twice a day.  I tried to explain to her that anything new seems daunting but with repetition and practice, it will be less so fairly quickly. She looked dubious.  Truthfully, I think her age works against her in this regard.  To young people, the prospect of a few months' inconvenience seems like "forever."

The next morning, she picked up her spirometer- a device that encourages deep breathing and measures one's progress.  Initially, she was able to make it to the 1500 mark, while only occasionally hitting the 2200 mark.  That morning, however, she hit the 2200 mark each time she inhaled.

"It's so easy to do this now-just last week I could hardly ever do it and now I can get it to 2200 every time, so easily."

Of course, she didn't get the parallel....

"It will be like this for the dilating, as well.  The more you do it, the less stressful it will be and you'll be able to do other things while you dilate.  It won't seem difficult at all before you know it."

OK-that's a bit misleading: it's not as if she can go for a walk, or play the piano, but she could conceivably  read, text, use the computer, while she waits for the 20 minutes to pass.  And sure enough, the next day she chatted on the phone with me while she waited the obligatory 20 minutes.

"See?  You're multi-tasking already,"  I told her.

She still has to keep an ace bandage wrapped around her chest so she doesn't want to shop for bathing suits yet.  And today, she was a bit blue which is to be expected, according to the surgeon.  DJ started back on her hormones yesterday, so some minor mood swings are to be expected.  Yet, "Beverly Hills Ninja" is certainly making her perk up, heaven help me.

The next big decision is thinking about how to finish up her last year of high school.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.  For today, and maybe even this week, we'll just enjoy being home again.

Celebrating an awaited event

Well, the milestones keep stacking up for DJ.  As any woman who has given birth, or who has had any kind of surgery south of the border, knows,  that first BM is a dreaded event.  Most often, however, we get all worked up for nothing.

I walked back in our room after getting a cup of coffee and DJ had a big-eyed look on her face.

"What's up Peanut?"

"I don't know, my stomach feels pretty weird."

"Weird how?  Painful weird?"

"Like I've got to go to the bathroom, but I don't think I'll be able to,"  she replied apprehensively.

"Go on and give it a try," I replied.

A few minutes later she exited the bathroom looking simultaneously sheepish and relieved.

"There was no way you were going to have a hard time after the assault we've mounted against slow moving intestines between the juice, the fruit, the nuts, the raisins, and the stool softeners," I practically bragged.

DJ kind of giggled in relief.

She's actually remarkably spry this morning.  She has another "check-up" tomorrow morning and if all goes well, she will be allowed to have a meal at a restaurant.  That will require sitting up in a chair. I sure hope the air filled donut pillow arrives in time.  For anyone considering "bottom" surgery-I strongly recommend it.

DJ is supposed to be wearing button up shirts-and she owns ZERO.  I went to KMart to grab a few inexpensive shirts knowing she would never wear them again.  I tried and tried to find something she might actually approve of.  She turned up her nose at all of them. She just isn't a button-up shirt gal.  If her fashion snobbery is returning, I elect to take that as another good sign that she's on the road to full recovery.  Now, if only she were allowed to lay on her side she would be so happy!

We both needed fixing

Mother's Day was a rough day.  DJ had some fairly significant swelling that, frankly, frightened me.  Ordinarily, I'm pretty calm when the $hit hits the fan and it's not as if I freaked out, but I know I gave off waves of concern and fear, which upset DJ.  Then, as I tried to distance myself from feeling terrible about frightening her, Bulldog decided to point out not just once, but twice, that I had frightened her. We called the doctor and at first she seemed to think we had not followed her instructions and she seemed to chastise me.  And when I returned to DJ, I swear she looked at me as if she had lost faith in me.

I was in a complete tailspin.

What happened was fixable.  The last day in the hospital, after capping DJ's catheter, I helped her to the restroom and the section of catheter, which was supposed to be taped to her abdomen, flopped down and she felt a slight tug.  The doctor thinks she may have had some slow bleeding into her tissue over the next day.  She saw DJ yesterday and was able to drain the blood from beneath the surface of the skin which made a world of difference to DJ's comfort and reduced the swelling dramatically.  She also removed the packing and the ace bandage to DJ's chest to look at her new breasts, which also are healing well.

The doctor and the physician's assistant that are treating DJ are great.  Before we saw them that morning, I had called the doctor three additional times on Mother's Day.  I felt embarrassed about interrupting her on her day off and she must have sensed my frazzled state because after the third call, as we were hanging up, I heard her say, "You're a good mom."  She fixed me, too.

Pain, pain, go away, come again another day

DJ was a bit restless last night.  She kept feeling like she couldn't get a deep breath.  Admittedly, I'm scared to death of her having a blood clot from being so immobile, but in my gut, she was not presenting as a person with that issue.  I think it's gas.

Poor girl.  Her belly is fairly bloated from it, not that she cares about that.  Nor does she have any compunction about needing to pass the gas, with a proper "excuse me" and a giggle each time, but last night it was irritating her.  I think her innards are preparing to finally act normally again, if you know what I mean.  She was on a liquid diet from last Saturday until Wednesday.  She's been eating solid food for three days, but it's only been the last two days that she has eaten full meals.  My guess is that her intestines are a bit slow moving between being at rest for a number of days and having medications that encouraged them to not do a damn thing for that long, as well.  I have a feeling today is going to be the day that DJ is dreading.

She's pretty tender down there and does not relish sneezing or coughing or anything similar that will increase pressure in her nether regions.  I remember that feeling well-

The day after I gave birth to Goodwrench, I was quite sore.  He was in distress right before being born and so they "snipped" me pretty hurriedly (it totally sucked because the numbing meds had not kicked in at all-they were in a hurry) and stitched me up.  The next morning, I took a shower and as I rinsed my face, I inadvertently swallowed some water the wrong way and coughed forcefully just   one   time.  Then, I attempted to just sort of clear my throat so it went something like this:  COUGH, ahem ahem ahem.  The pressure in my nether regions did NOT feel good so it made me dread my first bowel movement.

I imagine DJ's discomfort can be multiplied considerably, nonetheless I shared with her that I, too, was on stool softeners and those things are aptly named, thank goodness.  No work or pressure was required to have the dreaded first bowel movement.

This morning, she feels as if her skin is tight and pinched where her stitches are.  It sucks, but that is a good sign that she's healing.  On the other hand though, it hurts like hell so I don't think she's interested in hearing about "good signs".  In fact, this is the worst we've seen her.  She hasn't had pain meds since she went to sleep last night over 8 hours ago and now they won't kick in nearly fast enough.  I wish there was something I could do, but it's a waiting game for the meds to kick in.  I don't think anything is wrong but it still makes me feel helpless watching her deal with it.  Yes, I knew it wouldn't be easy some days, but again, that doesn't prepare you for seeing your kid concentrating on getting through the next few minutes while she waits for her pain meds to start working.

It's been about 30 minutes and she's less edgy...I think they're working.  Hang in there kid.