Do you ever struggle with taking the high road? You know which one that is, the one that is rarely traveled because it's such a damn uphill, zig-zaggy path, full of brambles, annoying pebbles that cause you to slip, medium sized rocks that repeatedly dig into your shins and giant boulders that threaten to flatten you if you're not watchful. And of course, the other option is the slippery slope-aptly named because it is so easy to follow-you merely let go, and you're on it, coasting downhill, all the way to....I guess our lesser selves, although some would say it's actually a sure path to hell. But if I get started on the religious zealots I'll never shut up and I'll get all angry and then I'll be sliding for certain.....I digress.
Our beloved DJ is doing much better. She's managing to eat as directed although she finds it stressful. That, apparently, is par for the course for a person battling anorexia. But she's a tough girl and she willingly accepted being part of this program. And really, she could have refused. She could have insisted on going home and short of a court order, or our refusing to take her home, we could not have forced her to stay. I don't know if she knows that, but I certainly won't tell her. Nonetheless, she is following the care plan religiously. She's so strong and we're so proud of her. Bulldog is especially happy because she is now returning his "I love you's" once again. For the first week or so, she either said nothing or "you too" in return to either of us.
My girl takes the high road all the blessed time. I think she's just naturally nicer than most people, and slower to anger, as well. Me, I'm a nice person, but I have to fight the urge to try to make people feel ashamed of themselves. It's my way of fighting back I guess. I don't defend it as a healthy means of fighting back, and I don't often give in to it, but I spend enough time fantasizing about it that I think I actually fan the flames of anger that someone else ignited. So, really, I'm part of my own problem.
Now, this blog is remarkably cathartic for me. I work through my thoughts and feelings about a number of issues. Many of you will - nicely- call me on my waywardness but usually it is to say I'm being too hard on myself. Some of you, however, will share your perspectives about the mean people in the world and I actually hear your words in my head, particularly lately when I've been really fighting the urge to give some acquaintances a piece of my mind. I don't want to tell them off....ok that's not true. I DO want to tell them off, but I have a sneaking suspicion they'll walk out in the middle of it. So instead, I've been fantasizing about the passive-aggressive sneak attack. You know, you bait them with some innocent remark and when they walk into your trap with the comment you knew they would make, you let them have it with your one liner, preferably in front of other people, so that their shame is multiplied because it took place publicly. It's a seductive little fantasy, isn't it?
So, I was contemplating doing this on....(ok, I'm an idiot-I SAID it was a fantasy) Facebook. I hope you can still hear me because I'm shouting to you from the pit near the end of the slippery slope. Anyway, I was going to put a little one liner on there that would speak to some of my so-called "friends" and distant "family" so that they would know it was for them and no one else would be the wiser. Of course it's stupid. No one sagaciously picks the slippery slope....sheesh.
But you know who stopped me (and she's going to chuckle when she reads this) this cute little Australian woman. Now, this woman is young enough to be my daughter so I have to be frank when I admit that I feel a little embarrassed that this young lady has her s - - - together better than a woman who has 20 years on her. Nonetheless, I will accept wisdom from any source-"out of the mouths of babes" right? And believe me, I've been blessed with many sources of wisdom because many of you fine blog readers have offered your words - and thank goodness. Lately, however, I've been hearing her voice-I say voice, but I mean cyber voice because I've never heard her speak- when I start to get all revved up and angry. And it's not really the words but her pragmatism that is whispering in my ear. It's the idea that I shouldn't waste my energies on such things, not because it's small or petty to do so, but because I have bigger fish to fry. And more importantly, I can't change anyone for DJ, or for me and when I try to change them, I'm giving them too much power by giving them my power. I've never cyber- heard this aussie woman use the words,"It's just not worth it" but that is the feeling. And while I've heard the words before, something about how she's imparting this feeling of "They just aren't worth it" is resounding in me-repeatedly in fact. I've caught myself a number of times starting to think in a negative "I'll get back at them" manner, only to have this feeling and thought of, "It's just not worth it" stop me dead in my slippery slope fantasy tracks. It feels so blessed.....calm.
Some folks come by this trait naturally and more power to 'em. And while there is a place in this world for people of passion, we have to know when to play the passion card, and when not to. Information is indeed power. Sharing is power-if what you share is meaningful. If not, you're just giving your power away to someone who just isn't worth it.
Our beloved DJ is doing much better. She's managing to eat as directed although she finds it stressful. That, apparently, is par for the course for a person battling anorexia. But she's a tough girl and she willingly accepted being part of this program. And really, she could have refused. She could have insisted on going home and short of a court order, or our refusing to take her home, we could not have forced her to stay. I don't know if she knows that, but I certainly won't tell her. Nonetheless, she is following the care plan religiously. She's so strong and we're so proud of her. Bulldog is especially happy because she is now returning his "I love you's" once again. For the first week or so, she either said nothing or "you too" in return to either of us.
My girl takes the high road all the blessed time. I think she's just naturally nicer than most people, and slower to anger, as well. Me, I'm a nice person, but I have to fight the urge to try to make people feel ashamed of themselves. It's my way of fighting back I guess. I don't defend it as a healthy means of fighting back, and I don't often give in to it, but I spend enough time fantasizing about it that I think I actually fan the flames of anger that someone else ignited. So, really, I'm part of my own problem.
Now, this blog is remarkably cathartic for me. I work through my thoughts and feelings about a number of issues. Many of you will - nicely- call me on my waywardness but usually it is to say I'm being too hard on myself. Some of you, however, will share your perspectives about the mean people in the world and I actually hear your words in my head, particularly lately when I've been really fighting the urge to give some acquaintances a piece of my mind. I don't want to tell them off....ok that's not true. I DO want to tell them off, but I have a sneaking suspicion they'll walk out in the middle of it. So instead, I've been fantasizing about the passive-aggressive sneak attack. You know, you bait them with some innocent remark and when they walk into your trap with the comment you knew they would make, you let them have it with your one liner, preferably in front of other people, so that their shame is multiplied because it took place publicly. It's a seductive little fantasy, isn't it?
So, I was contemplating doing this on....(ok, I'm an idiot-I SAID it was a fantasy) Facebook. I hope you can still hear me because I'm shouting to you from the pit near the end of the slippery slope. Anyway, I was going to put a little one liner on there that would speak to some of my so-called "friends" and distant "family" so that they would know it was for them and no one else would be the wiser. Of course it's stupid. No one sagaciously picks the slippery slope....sheesh.
But you know who stopped me (and she's going to chuckle when she reads this) this cute little Australian woman. Now, this woman is young enough to be my daughter so I have to be frank when I admit that I feel a little embarrassed that this young lady has her s - - - together better than a woman who has 20 years on her. Nonetheless, I will accept wisdom from any source-"out of the mouths of babes" right? And believe me, I've been blessed with many sources of wisdom because many of you fine blog readers have offered your words - and thank goodness. Lately, however, I've been hearing her voice-I say voice, but I mean cyber voice because I've never heard her speak- when I start to get all revved up and angry. And it's not really the words but her pragmatism that is whispering in my ear. It's the idea that I shouldn't waste my energies on such things, not because it's small or petty to do so, but because I have bigger fish to fry. And more importantly, I can't change anyone for DJ, or for me and when I try to change them, I'm giving them too much power by giving them my power. I've never cyber- heard this aussie woman use the words,"It's just not worth it" but that is the feeling. And while I've heard the words before, something about how she's imparting this feeling of "They just aren't worth it" is resounding in me-repeatedly in fact. I've caught myself a number of times starting to think in a negative "I'll get back at them" manner, only to have this feeling and thought of, "It's just not worth it" stop me dead in my slippery slope fantasy tracks. It feels so blessed.....calm.
Some folks come by this trait naturally and more power to 'em. And while there is a place in this world for people of passion, we have to know when to play the passion card, and when not to. Information is indeed power. Sharing is power-if what you share is meaningful. If not, you're just giving your power away to someone who just isn't worth it.
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