Remember when your child was first born? You didn't know him or her. Your child was a complete stranger to you, yet you loved your child, desperately, in fact. You may have had future expectations of your child, but those expectations were limited and came from your heart. You wanted your child to feel loved, to be healthy, to grow, to be happy.
It's only as our children grow up that we start to impose more expectations on them, and usually those expectations have to do with what WE want to be happy. Sometimes the expectations become less about our kid and more about us. It's an easy trap to fall into.
Maybe you feel like you don't know your kid at all right now. After all, for so many years your son has been....your son. How can he now be your daughter? You don't know anything about this person as a girl, you don't know her as a girl at all. But remember, you didn't need to know anything at all about your child to love your child when she was born and that has not changed. You love your child because she is yours to love. You will step in front of a truck for your child because he is yours to protect.
This whole gender identity thing can be so confusing to those of us whose minds and bodies agree. We can't understand it anymore than we understood anything about our child when he/she was first born, and yet we found a way to love that stranger-child anyway. That is all you have to do right now.
When your brand new infant kept you up all night and would cry constantly and you didn't know what to do to help, you kept trying, even if your heart wasn't in it. The last thing in the world you felt like doing at two in the morning was changing a diaper and pacing the floor for two hours but you did it, even if you felt like walking out of the door and never coming back. And why did you do it? Because not only did you love your child, but you made a commitment to care for your child. When you felt like you just couldn't give anymore, you went through the motions anyway. And the love grew. The commitment grew.
You will get to know this "new" child too. It will be a process similar to the one you employed when you first laid eyes on your kid, but in some ways a little easier, in others, a little more difficult. It will be easier because in so many ways, you already know this person. The core of the person is the same-your child will likely still be passionate about whatever made her passionate before. He may not enjoy all of the same activities as he used to, but just because you don't like golf anymore, it doesn't mean you've changed as a person, right?
Trust in your love for your kid. Keep saying the words, "I want to try" even if you are not sure you mean it. Love really does conquer all. It doesn't always make life easier, but it makes life possible. It doesn't always make relationships easier, but it makes relationships possible.
When you feel like you can't give anymore, just keep going through the motions. The love will grow, as will the acceptance.
It's only as our children grow up that we start to impose more expectations on them, and usually those expectations have to do with what WE want to be happy. Sometimes the expectations become less about our kid and more about us. It's an easy trap to fall into.
Maybe you feel like you don't know your kid at all right now. After all, for so many years your son has been....your son. How can he now be your daughter? You don't know anything about this person as a girl, you don't know her as a girl at all. But remember, you didn't need to know anything at all about your child to love your child when she was born and that has not changed. You love your child because she is yours to love. You will step in front of a truck for your child because he is yours to protect.
This whole gender identity thing can be so confusing to those of us whose minds and bodies agree. We can't understand it anymore than we understood anything about our child when he/she was first born, and yet we found a way to love that stranger-child anyway. That is all you have to do right now.
When your brand new infant kept you up all night and would cry constantly and you didn't know what to do to help, you kept trying, even if your heart wasn't in it. The last thing in the world you felt like doing at two in the morning was changing a diaper and pacing the floor for two hours but you did it, even if you felt like walking out of the door and never coming back. And why did you do it? Because not only did you love your child, but you made a commitment to care for your child. When you felt like you just couldn't give anymore, you went through the motions anyway. And the love grew. The commitment grew.
You will get to know this "new" child too. It will be a process similar to the one you employed when you first laid eyes on your kid, but in some ways a little easier, in others, a little more difficult. It will be easier because in so many ways, you already know this person. The core of the person is the same-your child will likely still be passionate about whatever made her passionate before. He may not enjoy all of the same activities as he used to, but just because you don't like golf anymore, it doesn't mean you've changed as a person, right?
Trust in your love for your kid. Keep saying the words, "I want to try" even if you are not sure you mean it. Love really does conquer all. It doesn't always make life easier, but it makes life possible. It doesn't always make relationships easier, but it makes relationships possible.
When you feel like you can't give anymore, just keep going through the motions. The love will grow, as will the acceptance.
This is AWESOME. Thank you. =D
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