Dear Parents,
Your kid has just dropped a bombshell that you never saw coming. Maybe you feel physically sick, like someone is playing a sick joke on you, or perhaps you are completely at a loss for words because so many thoughts and feelings, many of them foreign and uncomfortable, are running through your head.
You are not the only parent to go through this and you are not alone. Before you do another thing, remind yourself: This is my child. This person is the same person that I brought home from the hospital and nurtured all these years. I love my child and I will not abandon my child.
Look at your child and remind yourself again: I love my kid and I will not leave my kid.
The thought that saved me was, "At least we get to keep our kid. Some people lose their kids, but our kid will continue to come home to us." While that thought alone did not make the process of acceptance any easier, it did serve to remind me that my not accepting could cause my kid to never be a part of my life again; and worse, could cause my kid to not want to be part of life at all.
The first few days, you will not be able to stop calling your new daughter "he" or your new son "she." In fact, you will still consider your child to be the same gender that you always knew him or her to be. You can, however, promise your kid that you will try to see him or her as he/she sees him or herself. Do that now-find your kid and promise your kid that you will try. If you can, tell your kid you love him/her too. In all likelihood, that will be enough to start. Perhaps, don't call your child by any name at all, but rather by a term of endearment like "Sweetie" until you can do better. These small things will make the change more manageable for you and will let your child know that even if it's hard, you still love your child enough to make an effort.
Now what? Reach out to others so that you can help yourself. For some reason, this can be a painful process because it means letting go of something, or someone. If you want to help your kid, you must help yourself first. In an airplane, they tell you to put the oxygen on yourself before you put it on your kid. There is a reason for this: if you are not well, you can't help your kid stay well.
You are not alone. Explore this blog, and visit the links. E-mail me for moral support. We're here for each other so that we can support our kids. I am at Openarms2lgbt@gmail.com
Your kid has just dropped a bombshell that you never saw coming. Maybe you feel physically sick, like someone is playing a sick joke on you, or perhaps you are completely at a loss for words because so many thoughts and feelings, many of them foreign and uncomfortable, are running through your head.
You are not the only parent to go through this and you are not alone. Before you do another thing, remind yourself: This is my child. This person is the same person that I brought home from the hospital and nurtured all these years. I love my child and I will not abandon my child.
Look at your child and remind yourself again: I love my kid and I will not leave my kid.
The thought that saved me was, "At least we get to keep our kid. Some people lose their kids, but our kid will continue to come home to us." While that thought alone did not make the process of acceptance any easier, it did serve to remind me that my not accepting could cause my kid to never be a part of my life again; and worse, could cause my kid to not want to be part of life at all.
The first few days, you will not be able to stop calling your new daughter "he" or your new son "she." In fact, you will still consider your child to be the same gender that you always knew him or her to be. You can, however, promise your kid that you will try to see him or her as he/she sees him or herself. Do that now-find your kid and promise your kid that you will try. If you can, tell your kid you love him/her too. In all likelihood, that will be enough to start. Perhaps, don't call your child by any name at all, but rather by a term of endearment like "Sweetie" until you can do better. These small things will make the change more manageable for you and will let your child know that even if it's hard, you still love your child enough to make an effort.
Now what? Reach out to others so that you can help yourself. For some reason, this can be a painful process because it means letting go of something, or someone. If you want to help your kid, you must help yourself first. In an airplane, they tell you to put the oxygen on yourself before you put it on your kid. There is a reason for this: if you are not well, you can't help your kid stay well.
You are not alone. Explore this blog, and visit the links. E-mail me for moral support. We're here for each other so that we can support our kids. I am at Openarms2lgbt@gmail.com
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