Bulldog adopted the three children I brought from my first marriage. From the very first, he loved them without reservation. He is just that kind of man.
Yet, I was at the edges of child-bearing years and when we didn't conceive the old fashioned way within a year of our marriage, I asked him if he wanted to consider going high tech to have a baby together. I didn't want him to feel as if he had missed out on some aspects of parenting: the pregnancy, the birth, the diapers, cutting teeth, sleepless nights, and the cute chubby faces that called for "dada" and "mama."
Bulldog came into our lives when Goodwrench was 9, Romeo was 7 and DJ, whom we knew then as JD, was 3. For years, the kids called Bulldog by his given name and while they referred to him in the third person as their Dad, they did not call him Dad to his face, or to me. That is until DJ came out and she decided that if we could make the switch to calling her DJ, she could make the switch to calling Bulldog "Dad" and her brothers have followed suit, for the most part.
Bulldog never pushed them in this respect, but I know being called "Dad" was something he yearned for, nonetheless. And it took years of marriage and being a family before he didn't feel like an outsider in the family, a thought which pains me to this day.
Now, we are both beyond wanting or needing an infant that we made together. We have been building this family for ten years and are completely immersed in it. I will always wonder what it might have been like to go through the experience of having a baby together with him, but thanks to his perspective, that yearning has lessened considerably in its intensity.
Bulldog and I are sitting on the opposite sides of DJ's hospital bed, facing her in profile, and each other directly. DJ is snoozing. Bulldog said this to me just now:
You know how you used to wonder if I was missing out on having a baby? I was thinking about this last night and I feel like I know what's it like to have a baby now. I'm here at the hospital and waiting and I'm thinking about bringing her home and taking care of her. (He continued, with tears in his eyes) I feel like I know what it's like to have a baby.
This is why I married Bulldog.
Yet, I was at the edges of child-bearing years and when we didn't conceive the old fashioned way within a year of our marriage, I asked him if he wanted to consider going high tech to have a baby together. I didn't want him to feel as if he had missed out on some aspects of parenting: the pregnancy, the birth, the diapers, cutting teeth, sleepless nights, and the cute chubby faces that called for "dada" and "mama."
Bulldog came into our lives when Goodwrench was 9, Romeo was 7 and DJ, whom we knew then as JD, was 3. For years, the kids called Bulldog by his given name and while they referred to him in the third person as their Dad, they did not call him Dad to his face, or to me. That is until DJ came out and she decided that if we could make the switch to calling her DJ, she could make the switch to calling Bulldog "Dad" and her brothers have followed suit, for the most part.
Bulldog never pushed them in this respect, but I know being called "Dad" was something he yearned for, nonetheless. And it took years of marriage and being a family before he didn't feel like an outsider in the family, a thought which pains me to this day.
Now, we are both beyond wanting or needing an infant that we made together. We have been building this family for ten years and are completely immersed in it. I will always wonder what it might have been like to go through the experience of having a baby together with him, but thanks to his perspective, that yearning has lessened considerably in its intensity.
Bulldog and I are sitting on the opposite sides of DJ's hospital bed, facing her in profile, and each other directly. DJ is snoozing. Bulldog said this to me just now:
You know how you used to wonder if I was missing out on having a baby? I was thinking about this last night and I feel like I know what's it like to have a baby now. I'm here at the hospital and waiting and I'm thinking about bringing her home and taking care of her. (He continued, with tears in his eyes) I feel like I know what it's like to have a baby.
This is why I married Bulldog.
Wow woman, you're pretty wordy here....
ReplyDeleteyou couldn't have just said:
because I love him, and he loves me?
;-P Hope you're well
beautiful post
ReplyDeleteYou two are great together as a couple and especially as parents!
ReplyDeleteAwe . . .
ReplyDelete