DJ is home. I say that happily and with tiredness in my cyber voice. Bulldog and I are so glad to have her home, and she is glad to be home. When she was discharged from the Reflections unit (the eating disorders unit) her therapist ended our last session by saying:
DJ, what I'm about to tell you is not a canned speech. A lot of girls come here and leave because they don't want to be here; others leave because their insurance won't pay. Some girls leave because they need to be in a long term residential care facility to manage their eating disorders. You are leaving because it's the right time for you to go and that doesn't happen very often. We are all so proud of you and you did so well.
And yes, she did. She is religious about following the program in spite of putting on the required weight, which is mentally and emotionally tough for her. But she is one tough cookie and is motivated by her upcoming gender confirmation surgery.
However, there was, is, one significant drawback of DJ's hospital experience. In spite of their treating her appropriately in the emotional sense on being informed that DJ is transgender, I have to say, in my opinion, that they fell a bit short on the psycho/social/medical aspect. They admittedly had never treated a transgender patient in their facility, and took it in stride. They kept her on the girls' floor, and did not divulge DJ's history and supported her when she chose to share her history with the other girls, who, by the way, were champs. Not to steal their thunder in any way, but of course they were champs-DJ is so obviously a girl and they had no preconceived notions. But I still am grateful for people who can take my daughter's word for who she is without needing to inspect her original birth certificate or her underwear.
But back to the facility-when DJ experienced certain symptoms of stress, which is normal in the transgender person, they instead, wanted to label her. And they did, which we will have to fight to get off of her medical records. They viewed DJ as a person with anorexia and anxiety disorders, who also happened to have gender dysphoria. But DJ is a person with gender dysphoria who is experiencing anxiety, and anorexia, as a result of her gender dysphoria. And there is a difference.
I'm not doctor, but I'm a very experienced paramedic. When someone's heart is racing, we must determine why before we wantonly apply electricity and shock our patients. (The word is actually "cardiovert" for people who have pulses; I want to be accurate for any of you who have medical backgrounds.) For example, a rapid heart rate is a normal finding in patients who are running a fever, are anxious due to fear, or shock, and is common in people who have experienced blood loss, or are having a seizure...the list is pretty extensive. So, when DJ manifests certain symptoms that can be indicative of 10 different issues, it seems reckless to me to apply the worst case scenario diagnosis based solely on the one symptom. It's like saying a person has a heart condition because their heart is beating rapidly after getting pulled over by a cop for speeding.
For those of you who were born in the wrong body, who are experiencing gender dysphoria, and for those of us who love our gender dysphoric relatives, please educate yourselves on what is considered "normal" in the gender dysphoric patient. It's common for people with Gender Identity Disorder, another name for Gender Dysphoria, (although I prefer the latter since it literally means "unhappy with (genetic) gender") to experience any of the following: anxiety, depression, OCD, tics, suicidal ideation, low self esteem, and in DJ's case, eating disorders, which are not terribly uncommon either, in the gender dysphoric patient population. These are called co-morbidities in the medical world. No one is surprised that a child with an upper respiratory infection also has an ear infection-they often go hand in hand. However, an ear infection without a typical underlying cause would be more concerning. The same can be true of the common co-morbities that can accompany gender dysphoria.
The reality is, as far as this person can possibly understand it having been born in a body that matches my identity, that gender dysphoria is probably one of the biggest psychological, social and physical challenges a person can experience. And yet, people experience it every day and are NORMAL in spite of having co-morbidities. They adjust, they adapt, somehow and some way, and overcome the challenge of having a "birth defect" for which no mainstream organization sponsors walks or telethons to raise money for treatment. It's one of a handful of medical conditions that many health insurance companies will not cover and so the folks who thrive, in spite of their medical condition, must also bear the brunt of expensive medical costs to manage their conditions.
So, do not let medical people saddle you with an inaccurate diagnosis. Do not let someone wantonly label you. To quote a doctor I know, "Doctors like to pathologize". And more importantly, do not label yourself. Yes, you may need support, and therapy, possibly anti-depressents, or other medications to manage your comorbidities; continue to get whatever care you need, but it does not necessarily follow that you are abnormal, or sick. Try to find doctors and therapists who are experienced with transgender patients. They will likely not be surprised at the other symptoms you are experiencing because of the stress and fallout of being born into the wrong body in a hostile world. Again, check out the links to the right of the screen. Laura's Playground has a listing of doctors and therapists by state. PFLAG has support groups. Go to the people who understand your condition and aren't in a hurry to slap a label on you. My guess is you've probably experienced enough struggle and discrimination and certainly don't need the trouble that comes with a label.
DJ, what I'm about to tell you is not a canned speech. A lot of girls come here and leave because they don't want to be here; others leave because their insurance won't pay. Some girls leave because they need to be in a long term residential care facility to manage their eating disorders. You are leaving because it's the right time for you to go and that doesn't happen very often. We are all so proud of you and you did so well.
And yes, she did. She is religious about following the program in spite of putting on the required weight, which is mentally and emotionally tough for her. But she is one tough cookie and is motivated by her upcoming gender confirmation surgery.
However, there was, is, one significant drawback of DJ's hospital experience. In spite of their treating her appropriately in the emotional sense on being informed that DJ is transgender, I have to say, in my opinion, that they fell a bit short on the psycho/social/medical aspect. They admittedly had never treated a transgender patient in their facility, and took it in stride. They kept her on the girls' floor, and did not divulge DJ's history and supported her when she chose to share her history with the other girls, who, by the way, were champs. Not to steal their thunder in any way, but of course they were champs-DJ is so obviously a girl and they had no preconceived notions. But I still am grateful for people who can take my daughter's word for who she is without needing to inspect her original birth certificate or her underwear.
But back to the facility-when DJ experienced certain symptoms of stress, which is normal in the transgender person, they instead, wanted to label her. And they did, which we will have to fight to get off of her medical records. They viewed DJ as a person with anorexia and anxiety disorders, who also happened to have gender dysphoria. But DJ is a person with gender dysphoria who is experiencing anxiety, and anorexia, as a result of her gender dysphoria. And there is a difference.
I'm not doctor, but I'm a very experienced paramedic. When someone's heart is racing, we must determine why before we wantonly apply electricity and shock our patients. (The word is actually "cardiovert" for people who have pulses; I want to be accurate for any of you who have medical backgrounds.) For example, a rapid heart rate is a normal finding in patients who are running a fever, are anxious due to fear, or shock, and is common in people who have experienced blood loss, or are having a seizure...the list is pretty extensive. So, when DJ manifests certain symptoms that can be indicative of 10 different issues, it seems reckless to me to apply the worst case scenario diagnosis based solely on the one symptom. It's like saying a person has a heart condition because their heart is beating rapidly after getting pulled over by a cop for speeding.
For those of you who were born in the wrong body, who are experiencing gender dysphoria, and for those of us who love our gender dysphoric relatives, please educate yourselves on what is considered "normal" in the gender dysphoric patient. It's common for people with Gender Identity Disorder, another name for Gender Dysphoria, (although I prefer the latter since it literally means "unhappy with (genetic) gender") to experience any of the following: anxiety, depression, OCD, tics, suicidal ideation, low self esteem, and in DJ's case, eating disorders, which are not terribly uncommon either, in the gender dysphoric patient population. These are called co-morbidities in the medical world. No one is surprised that a child with an upper respiratory infection also has an ear infection-they often go hand in hand. However, an ear infection without a typical underlying cause would be more concerning. The same can be true of the common co-morbities that can accompany gender dysphoria.
The reality is, as far as this person can possibly understand it having been born in a body that matches my identity, that gender dysphoria is probably one of the biggest psychological, social and physical challenges a person can experience. And yet, people experience it every day and are NORMAL in spite of having co-morbidities. They adjust, they adapt, somehow and some way, and overcome the challenge of having a "birth defect" for which no mainstream organization sponsors walks or telethons to raise money for treatment. It's one of a handful of medical conditions that many health insurance companies will not cover and so the folks who thrive, in spite of their medical condition, must also bear the brunt of expensive medical costs to manage their conditions.
So, do not let medical people saddle you with an inaccurate diagnosis. Do not let someone wantonly label you. To quote a doctor I know, "Doctors like to pathologize". And more importantly, do not label yourself. Yes, you may need support, and therapy, possibly anti-depressents, or other medications to manage your comorbidities; continue to get whatever care you need, but it does not necessarily follow that you are abnormal, or sick. Try to find doctors and therapists who are experienced with transgender patients. They will likely not be surprised at the other symptoms you are experiencing because of the stress and fallout of being born into the wrong body in a hostile world. Again, check out the links to the right of the screen. Laura's Playground has a listing of doctors and therapists by state. PFLAG has support groups. Go to the people who understand your condition and aren't in a hurry to slap a label on you. My guess is you've probably experienced enough struggle and discrimination and certainly don't need the trouble that comes with a label.
I sure hope DJ has some small clue just how lucky she is to have you as a mother?
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