Eventually, I may tell the story of the actual coming out. But today I want to focus on some of the humorous moments because believe me, the humorous moments will present themselves, if you can be open to it. And those moments of laughter help you get through the awkwardness of those weeks, and months of adjustment.
Within 2 hours of hearing that our son believed he was a she, my husband and I had to take a time out together. We had already made an appointment to go look at a used car for our oldest son and besides which, we welcomed the opportunity to step away and regroup. As my husband is driving, he sighs heavily. I sense a tone of exasperation in his voice, and I involuntarily tense up. I'm ready to jump into lioness mother mode to defend our son, rather, damnit, our daughter, when he states, "Well, this is what happens when you let your kid become a vegetarian." Pause....relieved (almost hysterical?) laughter ensues. Then we pulled into the next convenience store and each grabbed a candy bar. Chocolate makes everything better, right?
Now Bulldog, how I refer to my husband in my head, is being pretty accepting overall. He WANTS to accept, but isn't sure how to accept enough to let DJ, our new daughter who we still view as a son, start "being" DJ at home. He needs time to adjust. DJ is SO OVER waiting, she's ready to dress in gold lame, probably. She's got almost 15 years of "girly" that's been dying to get out. And, her birthday is literally a few days away. Luckily, I am a last minute shopper or she would have gotten another article of clothing about which she could not care less.
Literally, on her birthday, I went to the store and headed to the Junior Miss department. I thought to myself, "It's my son's 15th birthday and I need to find a dress that will not make his father freak out." This was a delicate operation-I had to choose something that said to DJ-"we hear you and we accept that you are a girl" without sending her father over the edge. Pink anything was out of the question. A dress? Forget it.
White cargo shorts with a blue plaid blouse that hinted at being a peasant blouse was what I walked out of the store with, along with flip-flops that had some minor embellishment to them. Pretty conservative-just skating the line of femininity without screaming it. I congratulated myself on my ingenuity.
On arriving home, I knew I had to show Bulldog what we were giving DJ so that his initial shock would be a private moment between only us. His face fell and his eyes welled with tears. He wasn't ready but he had to be ready, nonetheless. Well, I guess he didn't have to be, but if he didn't "act" ready, and let DJ be DJ, then she would have suffered.
DJ was thrilled with her new outfit. More significantly, she was gratified. Our gesture signified progress and a certain level of acceptance, even if she was only allowed to wear such things after school. Baby steps and a sense of humor: a formula that's working thus far....
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