Thanksgiving Top 10, not in any specific order

1. I am thankful that DJ turned out to be the daughter I always wanted.

2. I am thankful that DJ's brothers love her as much as ever so that my three kids remain as tightly bound to each other as ever.

3.  I am thankful that my two sons are the kind of young men who take courses like "Women's Studies" in college, aren't afraid of telling their mother they miss her, and choose strong, independent women to love.

4.  I am thankful for DJ's exuberance and mild manner.

5.  I am thankful that Bulldog is both a "promise keeper" and the kind of man who believes that even at 49 he can continue to grow to be a "strong, mighty oak."

6.  I am thankful that in spite of many people abusing the heck out of the 911 system, that because of the job I'm in, I am afforded the opportunity to cross paths with people at their worst moments and witness how, in spite of their obvious hardship, that love can truly conquer all.

7.  I am thankful that this old body can still DO my job, even if it's just barely.

8.  I am thankful to live in a country where I am free to write what I think, believe, and feel, and not fear persecution, prosecution, torture or death for my writings, my thoughts, or my beliefs; I am also thankful for the sacrifices of men and women who, in the past and present, continue to ensure my freedoms.

9.  I am thankful to find that in spite of there being an incredible number of mean people in the world, that their are more than enough lovely people whose goodness outshines their darkness.

10.  I am thankful for the invisible safety net which cradles me and mine and is comprised of family, friends, coworkers, blog readers, therapists, doctors, teachers, guidance counselors and pets.

Fixing my CNN mistake

 Faithful followers, it seems that the Anderson Cooper/CNN special on transgender kids was shown in the afternoon of the day that I presented the information.  So sorry about the goof-up so I will pass the buck and say it's all Flying Pig's fault!!  ha ha.

If you would like to get a good glimpse of it, however, go to the link below where you will be introduced to a sweet little girl who is explaining the inner workings of her doll house. She is charming and every bit the little girl she knows she is, regardless of what her original birth certificate says.

Apparently, a documentary movie, "Trans" is in the works and is set to be released in 2012.

http://www.andersoncooper.com/2011/11/15/trans-documentary/#ixzz1dwG1HDX4

Does your kid make you speak Yiddish?

Little Miss Thing, aka DJ, is quite full of herself of late.  She must always get the last word in, no matter the discussion.  She's so certain she is right and we are overreacting.  Darn teenagers....so blessed big for their britches.

She is in her junior year in high school and in America, that is a big year to finish getting your standardized testing done, adding extracurricular activities and memberships to important organizations to your resume.  In short, since most college applications are submitted either the fall or winter of one's senior year, the junior year is one of the last opportunities to really shine so that colleges will accept you and hopefully offer you money to attend their school.

DJ is a musical artist, or shall I say AR-TEEST, emphasis on the last syllable since she's a bit hoity toity about this endeavor.  I don't mean to say she is arrogant about her abilities, because that is not the case.  But she does subscribe to the notion that the arts are of more importance than your typical academics comprised of the histories, the maths and the dreaded english classes.  Luckily, DJ has a gifted brain.  She can hear a lecture and commit the details to memory.  Were this not the case, and she actually had to refresh with what the rest of us call studying, she would fail most of her classes, abominably.  And this quality lends itself well to standardized tests so she knocks the ball out of the park on those too.

Have I ever mentioned she is a genetic anomaly?  And I don't mean because she's transgender but because her intellect is NOT a result of any genetic contributions from either side of the family.  Well, that's not true:  Flying Pig and DJ's aunt in England, who we'll call Apple because she's the only normal fruit from two generations of her family tree, are both exceptionally bright women.  But neither of these women were direct contributors to DJ's specific DNA chain, so I have no idea where she gets her abilities.  But I digress....

In addition to being remarkable at academics, she is quite gifted musically.  Both her birth father and I can lay claim to some of that, with his contribution being more important than mine, genetically speaking.  Anyway, when she came out to us, she demonstrated this remarkable ability to compose music for orchestras.  She had no training in this area other than some guitar and drum lessons and a Music for Dummies book I purchased for her.  Nonetheless, when she blossomed as a young woman, so too did her music ability blossom.  Since then, she has composed various sonatas, symphonies and the like and she has branched out into pop music too to include techno, horror of horrors.  But she enjoys it and has posted some of her stuff on YouTube.  The folks in Spain love her apparently.

AND she has set her sights on attending the Juilliard School of the Arts in New York City, a world renowned institution.  As such, it is incredibly difficult to get into this school.  An applicant's talents must be incredible, needless to say.  And I imagined that her grades would need to be equally phenomenal.  That is not the case, entirely, apparently.  When DJ researched Juilliard with a guidance counselor at school, there was less emphasis placed on grade point average at Juilliard than at other universities where the emphasis is more on academics and where talent is secondary.

She triumphantly informed me of this recently.  AS IF knowing this, I would allow her to spend less time on her academics so she could spend more time creating, writing, playing and recording her music.  Ummmm, I don't think so.

Then, two nights ago, when DJ was inducted  in to the National Honor Society (high five for DJ) DJ poo-poo'ed the whole thing initially.  She wanted to dress in her edgy fashion for the ceremony complete with leggings and Chuck Taylor sneakers under her dress.  When I explained to her that this is a ceremony that should be afforded the respect and dignity of proper attire she responded with her typical air of dismissiveness.

"People my age don't really care about things like that," the lovely DJ tells me.

"Yeah, well, people my age are the ones who let you into college and the honor society and we do care about things like that," I retorted.

Then, later in the evening, she said something about the National Honor Society certificate being "just a piece of paper."  Her artistic thumbing her nose at convention kind of rubbed me the wrong way, so in front of her I said to Bulldog, (already knowing the answer, because any good attorney will tell you to never ask a question to which you don't already know the answer) "Were you in the Honor Society?"

"No, I wasn't. I didn't have the grades."

"Neither was I and I wanted to be," at which point I turn to DJ and explain to her that it is insulting to both the NHS, and to those who can't be in it, to dismiss membership and the paper that certifies membership as "just a piece of paper."  Somehow, we got through to her.

Maybe she's just trying on this persona like she tries on her other more edgy outfits just so she can find out if she likes it or not.  Maybe she'll discard this know-it-all, I'm-too-artistic-to-be-bothered-with-these-bourgois-academic-concerns like she outgrew her love of super flowery attire.  In the meantime, I wish she would just do her freakin' homework and clean her bathroom without my having to nag.  Then I remind myself, "Be patient, she'll only be a teenager for another three and a half years."  Oy Vey!

A special message for young trans folks

Dear Beloved Child,

I say beloved because you are special and lovable exactly as you are.  I was thinking about this today when the song, "You are beautiful" by Christine Agullara came on the radio.  The words are so breathtaking and inspiring.  If you haven't heard it, make a point of finding it and listening to every word.

She says it so much better than I ever could and if you could just believe how true her words are, maybe it well help you to feel strong on those days when you feel lost, or like you don't fit in, or may never be accepted.

Maybe your homelife isn't happy.  Perhaps your parents will not accept your truth.  Or maybe they support you, but finding that same support in school is not possible right now.  I wish, so many of us wish, that we could make everything ok for you right now.  But to borrow the words from the movement on YouTube, please know:

IT GETS BETTER


There will come a day when you will be surrounded by people who love you and care that you're happy.  If those people are not the family you are born into, they will be the family you choose.  Until that time, you must, for your very survival physically and emotionally, dig deep and look for small pockets of happiness where-ever you can find them.  A smile from a perfect stranger, encouragement from a teacher, a hug from a friend, the sun streaming through the clouds, the bustle of a city, or the quiet birdsong in the morning-these small things will sustain you until your life is in a place where you can be who you are, love who you wish, present in the manner that makes you happy.  


I don't know the realities of your lives, those of you who must remain closeted for your own safety. But I can imagine how hard it must be to just be yourself. Fitting into this world where so much of who we are is judged by how we look is hard for many of us.  Your road is not an easy one, and may be considerably longer than mine, but rest assured, many of us will be, at the very least, your occasional travel companions as we struggle to be accepted and loved.  And when our paths diverge, I, like so many others, will be thinking of you, wishing you well, hoping for a happier tomorrow for you and loving you for your courage, whether we know you or not.  "You are beautiful in every single way....no matter what they say....words can't bring you down."  For more hope-please check out: www.itgetsbetter.org

Trans kids/teens-check out CNN tonight

Flying Pig has been sending me everything that crosses her desk regarding LGBT issues.  A big shout out and thanks to her for that!!!  We love you Flying Pig!

CNN is airing a special tonight at 8 pm eastern standard time on transgender kids and teens.  My guess is if you don't catch it tonight, you may be able to catch it on CNN's webpage.  In the meantime, if you click on this link, there are other televised features focusing on this subject, as well, that you might want to view.  It's encouraging to see how tactfully the reporters are, how understanding many families and communities are.


http://www.andersoncooper.com/episodes/children-and-teens-trapped-in-the-wrong-bodies/

Family Acceptance Project-LGBT teens, check this out

Family Acceptance Project  fap@sfsu.edu
STUDY: GAY-STRAIGHT ALLIANCES IN SCHOOL BENEFIT HEALTH, EDUCATION OF LGBT YOUNG ADULTS

SAN FRANCISCO – NOVEMBER 15, 2011 - New research has found that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) youth who attend middle or high schools with Gay-Straight Alliances (GSAs) have better mental health as young adults, are less likely to drop out of high school, and more likely to attend college. Published in the current issue of Applied Developmental Science, this is the first study to show that GSA participation is related to long-term benefits. The study, High School Gay–Straight Alliances (GSAs) and Young Adult Well-Being, is based on data from the Family Acceptance Project’s survey of LGBT young adults, which examined the school-related experiences of 245 LGBT young adults, ages 21 to 25.  

Prior research has shown that LGBT youth are at risk for school victimization based on their sexual orientation and gender expression; that LGB youth and young adults report higher levels of depression and other mental health problems than heterosexual peers in a range of studies; and that LGBT school bullying is related to compromised academic achievement. However, until now, there have been few indicators to show whether positive school-based supports can help prevent these negative outcomes in young adulthood. In this new study, the positive impact of GSAs was particularly strong when students viewed their Gay-Straight Alliances as effective in promoting a safer school environment.

The study also shows that the benefits of Gay-Straight Alliances diminish as levels of LGBT school victimization increase; that is, the protective nature of GSAs is not enough to overcome the negative impact of LGBT victimization on young adult mental health. Thus, the authors document that Gay-Straight Alliances cannot be proposed as the sole solution for creating safer school climates for LGBT youth. Instead, schools need to implement other efforts to reduce anti-LGBT bias in schools in combination with the formation of Gay-Straight Alliances, such as enumerated anti-harassment and nondiscrimination policies, teacher training on how to intervene in school harassment related to sexual orientation and gender expression, and an LGBT-inclusive curriculum.

These findings are of particular importance in light of recent tragic incidents of school violence – such as the murder of Larry King in 2008 and the multiple suicides of young men perceived to be gay in 2010 and 2011 who experienced high levels of LGBT school victimization. Further, several schools and districts continue to attempt to ban the formation of Gay-Straight Alliances (e.g., school board of Nassau County in 2009; Okeechobee High School in 2008 [both in Florida]; Flour Buff High School in Corpus Christi, TX, in 2011), even though GSAs are protected by the 1984 Federal Equal Access Act. In addition, the Anoka-Hennepin School District has a policy that requires staff to “remain neutral in matters related to sexual orientation including but not limited to student led discussion” that belies the purpose of GSAs which is to provide a supportive school-related environment where students can learn about and openly discuss and educate the school community on LGBT issues.

Said co-author Russell Toomey: “Given the recent attention to tragic deaths by suicide related to anti-LGBT school bullying over the past year, our research documents that having Gay-Straight Alliances in schools is an important way to boost mental health and academic achievement for LGBT young people. However, Gay-Straight Alliances should not be perceived as the only vehicle for creating safer school climates for students – clearly, our findings document that other LGBT-positive supports need to be implemented in schools for LGBT students to thrive.”

Noted co-author Stephen T. Russell: “This study adds to the mounting evidence that youth-led clubs are important for healthy development – especially for youth at risk. For LGBT youth, high school gay-straight alliances make a significant positive difference.”

Dr. Caitlin Ryan, study co-author and Director of the Family Acceptance Project at SF State University added, “This new study on the benefits of GSAs to health and education adds to our growing understanding of the importance of social environments and the need to provide institutional support for LGBT youth to promote well-being in adulthood.”

Citation: Toomey, R. B., Ryan, C., Diaz, R. M., & Russell, S. T. (2011). High school gay-straight alliances (GSAs) and young adult well-being: An examination of GSA presence, participation, and perceived effectiveness. Applied Developmental Science, 15(4),1-11.

About the Family Acceptance Project
The Family Acceptance Project is a research, intervention, education and policy initiative that is designed to: 1) improve the health, mental health, and well-being of LGBT children and adolescents; 2) strengthen and help ethnically and religiously diverse families to support their LGBT children; 3) help LGBT youth to stay in their homes to prevent homelessness and the need for custodial care in the foster care and juvenile justice systems; 4) inform public policy and family policy; and 5) develop a new evidence-based, family model of wellness, prevention, and care to promote well-being and decrease risk for LGBT youth. For more information, please visit familyproject.sfsu.edu

LGBT Friends-the Feds want to hear what you have to say :)

Dear Bloggers,

Flying Pig has graciously shared this info so that any of you who may have access to the opportunity below can hopefully attend. 

To anyone who has ever had an experience in the health care system…Tell HHS about it!

November 14, 2011

The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services is coming to your area to ask for experiences the LGBT community has had with medical providers. The Task Force has been working closely with HHS to make health care fair and inclusive for all lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people.
Our advocacy teams have been working hard to tell HHS what is broken about the Health Care system for LGBT people, but we don’t have enough stories of real people. Now it’s your turn to tell them what the LGBT community needs. Take a look at the cities and dates below and RSVP today!
If you are a patient, make sure to share any positive or negative experiences you’ve had as an LGBT person going to the doctor (insurance claims, front office staff interactions, experiences with medical personnel, etc.). If you work in the medical field, talk about best practices for LGBT health, especially if you’ve implemented them successfully.
If you find yourself close to one of these listening sessions you should attend and make your voice heard!
Seattle Monday, 11/14 @ 1pm: RSVP to viveta.vandersanden@hhs.gov
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services
2201 6th Avenue, Suite 204
Seattle, Washington 98121
Denver Tuesday, 11/15 @ 10am: RSVP to Ezra.Watland@hhs.gov
Founders Room, Mile High United Way
2505 18th Street
Denver, CO 80211
Portland Tuesday, 11/15@ 1pm: RSVP to viveta.vandersanden@hhs.gov
Gus Solomon Courthouse, Courtroom 71 (7th floor)
620 SW Main Street
Portland, Oregon 97205

http://thetaskforceblog.org/2011/11/14/to-anyone-who-has-ever-had-an-experience-in-the-health-care-system%E2%80%A6tell-hhs-about-it/