Weekend at Bulldog's

We at Transitioning Family are always on the lookout for links that might be helpful to the GLBTQ community, as well as to loved ones of that community.  We are fortunate to have a subscriber, who is a great mom to her son who just came out to his family recently;  she passed on a link to a book that might be helpful to teens in the GLBTQ community:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/1575423634/ref=ox_sc_act_title_1?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER


Big thanks to Swan!



We, at the house of Bulldog, had a great weekend.

DJ woke up with her hair looking like the Greek guy on the show Ancient Aliens.

So, she posted a pic on FB, similar to the one above, denoting just that.  Love that girl!

She has also completely won over a family friend.  We'll call this guy Warrior Doc because he is both a soldier and a physician's assistant.  Romeo, Juliet and DJ all think he looks like a Jedi from Star Wars, because he's pretty imposing looking.  Tall, handsome, piercing blue eyes, shaved head and goatee-like beard, he's also disarmingly quiet until you get to know him.  He and Bulldog met through work.  Both men have been through some harrowing events in their line of work and Warrior Doc spent many weeks with us between tours in Afghanistan.  He is now safely settled stateside, thank goodness, and we see him every so often when he comes to spend a weekend with us at our place.

Warrior Doc didn't know DJ was transgender until a few weeks ago when Bulldog shared it with him.  I had mentioned to Warrior Doc that DJ "came out" so he thought I meant she was lesbian. He asked Bulldog, stating it didn't matter to him one way or the other, but was curious.  Bulldog shared DJ's coming out story and Warrior Doc adores her even more, I think.  And the best part is how much DJ loves Warrior Doc.  She makes him laugh and he cracks her up, as well.

Warrior Doc is a big favorite with Goodwrench, Romeo and Juliet, as well.  And I think he likes being around our kids-the first time I saw him really laugh after 18 months in Afghanistan, was playing a game called, "Cards against Humanity." cardsagainsthumanity.com

This game is crude, socially unacceptable, and therefore, very much enjoyed in our household.  That was when all members of our family gelled with Warrior Doc-our kids made Warrior Doc laugh out loud, which made them think he was the bomb.  And I think Warrior Doc may be one of DJ's biggest music fans.  He likes to be supplied with her latest compositions.  Good stuff-no?

We all ate too much, played games and watched movies until 2 in the morning.  It's no wonder DJ's hair looked like it did!  To know that girl is to love her ;)

LGBTQ-friendly Nun

Does your family struggle with religious fears about your "non-conforming" gender identity?  Do you struggle with a loved one's gender identity? This article is about a Catholic nun who seeks to remind people that God loves us all regardless of who we love, or whether our bodies and senses of self differ from each other.  If God created us in His image, then why are there two "official" genders and not one?  And if there are two, might there be more?  Or none?  Isn't it possible that God is neither male nor female, or perhaps both, or having aspects of both?

If you believe in God, then why limit God?

This woman is inspiring-trangender people need to know how many are championing their cause.  Please spread the word….

http://america.aljazeera.com/features/2014/3/transgender-and-catholic.html

Many thanks to my sister-in-law, Malone, a practicing Catholic, for sharing this.  We love you lady!

"Brother, can you spare a dime?"

I was tooling around on FB and am a subscriber to the "Give A Damn" campaign at http://www.wegiveadamn.org and came across an article about some folks that are rehabbing a row home in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, for LGBTQ youth who are homeless due to family rejection.  It's a two bedroom place and is expected to house up to 8 young people between ages 18-21.  They are 10% of the way to their goal of $40,000 to fix the inside of the house up to be suitable for use.

Every little bit helps-if you care to donate, go to the link below:

http://www.gofundme.com/changephillytoday

The numbers of young LGBTQ folks who are homeless solely because of family rejection is disheartening.  These kids are someone's babies….maybe we can be the village to help raise the child.  Please pass the word…..

Selectivity in choosing professionals

I heard from Disc Jockey this week, which was wonderful.  She informed me that she has been seeing more transgender young folks recently.  This is quite encouraging-parents are realizing the importance of taking their kids to the right people.  The wrong therapist can be disastrous to a transgender person.  Recent changes in the WPATH standards of care indicate that therapists are NOT meant to be the "gatekeepers" of access to hormone therapy or surgery, but rather are meant to assist the transgender person as they navigate the process of transition.  Therapists who are experienced with the transgender community, its challenges and the challenges of physical transition, understand this.  Those who aren't, simply may not.  After all, we do not expect podiatrists to understand how to take care of a person in cardiac arrest…..or do we?

Who is called over the intercom when a person's heart stops beating?  "Is there a doctor in the house?" is frequently broadcast in those instances.  We all think that all doctors are experts in all issues related to life and death and they are not.  A doctor who works in a pediatric practice seeing the typical variety of sick kids may not have worked a cardiac arrest situation in YEARS.  Doctors have their own specialities, and once they specialize and begin to practice in their specialty, they may not be as likely to be skilled in other specialties. Take CPR for example-the science and technique has changed multiple times in the last 2 decades.  If a doctor hasn't taken a CPR class in recent years, he may make incorrect treatment decisions.  This applies to therapists too.  They also will specialize in certain patient populations.  It's worth doing the searching to find the right one.

Please visit the following link for a sanctioned list of therapists who are experienced and skilled in helping transgender people:

http://www.lauras-playground.com/gender_therapists.htm

And guess what?  Many therapists are using Skype for visits.  How awesome is that?  It's still face to face therapy in real time.  This can make your lives easier and open more options to those of you who don't live in areas where experienced therapists reside.

Back to Disc Jockey-she indicated that she's working with an 18 year old who is scheduled for rapidly upcoming gender confirmation surgery.  I prefer this phrase, that Dr. Christine McGinn http://www.drchristinemcginn.com of the Papillion Center coined, in lieu of the term gender reassignment surgery, as it seems more appropriate and accurate. After all, you are born with the gender(s) you are, or are not, as the case may be.  The surgery provides outward confirmation what you already know to be true.

This 18 year old is nearly identical in age to DJ and Disc Jockey thought that DJ might be a helpful advocate, if she felt comfortable acting in this way, to this young lady.  I'm not sure how DJ will respond but I plan to discuss it with Bulldog and he and I can bring it to DJ's attention.  I'm not sure how she'll respond.  On the one hand, I think she wants to rapidly put all that behind her and perhaps forget her "origins" as it were;  I can't say I blame her there.  On the other hand, I simply do not know how she might feel and do not want to pressure her because she has a tendency to feel inappropriately guilty about what she perceives as something that perhaps she "should" do.  We'll tread delicately on the subject and see what happens.

But this begs the question to those of you who have transitioned-what are your experiences?  Once you have transitioned, do you NOT want to revisit that time in your lives?  There is no judgement or blame being assigned here.  Your information might be helpful to family members of transgender people in understanding their needs of either wanting to acknowledge their pre-transition lives, or not.  I know DJ doesn't want any pictures of herself, even as a small child, unless she's so young that there is no possibility of identifying the gender that we were raising her as, i.e., infancy.  Up until her first haircut, I can take photos and make them black and white so as not to refer to any gender stereotypes and at least I can display those photos.  I've been hearing from more parents and youth-I'm hoping that those of you who can lend your voices will do so.  You can always email me at openarms2LGBTQ@gmail.com and perhaps, with your permission, I can share some of what you've experienced. Otherwise, you can certainly add your comments in the section provided.  I hope you all have a good weekend :)

Moms gotta stick together

Folks,

I'll keep this short and sweet because I have a lunch date with a dear friend shortly.  There are moms out there wanting, nay, needing to network with other moms of transgender kids.  These moms might even welcome comments from other transgender folk who have navigated transition.  Perhaps readership is down on my beloved, albeit somewhat neglected, blog, but those who read, do you mind commenting a bit more so we can support each other?  We need you!!

XOXO,
The Author

Apt little joke

Just thought of something kinda funny....


You know what they call Brazil nuts in Brazil?    Nuts.


You know what they call Chinese food in China?   Food.


You know what they call transgender people in accepting places?   People.


Boo-yah!!!

Lantern in the window

My cousin posted a picture on FB some weeks ago.  It was an x-ray of two people kissing.  Unless you are an expert in identifying skull characteristics, you would never know the gender of the two people kissing.  Sometimes, don't you wish we didn't have to see each other?  Wouldn't it be amazing if we communicated simply by talking or telepathy?  No visual data to skew our perceptions?

No consenting adults would be denied the right to marry.  Homosexual couples could openly dance at the weddings of heterosexuals.  No one would freak out at Cheerios commercials depicting bi-racial couples.  Obese people would not feel the humiliation of self-righteous stares.  Unattractive people would be hired based on their abilities and not passed over for someone who may be less able but more attractive.  Transgender people wouldn't be transgender-they would just be who they are.  Male, female, neither, both.  It just wouldn't matter.

I was watching reruns of "How I met your mother."  We have Netflix and we're on this crazy kick of watching 4-5 episodes in a sitting.  (Don't judge :)  That's the same amount of time it takes to watch a movie!!)  We're up to season 3 and as much as I like the show, I've noticed that the writers could not make it through a single season without making a "tranny" joke.  First of all, what a freaking offensive word.  Second-the show took place less than a decade ago in allegedly hip and accepting Manhattan, and one of the cast is openly gay in his personal life.  It seems the lowest type of joke when we have to resort to mocking the appearance of others for a laugh.  It stings every time a joke is made because it makes me wonder how DJ feels hearing it.....

As soon as I feel discouraged ( and I often do) I try to remember about the stories I hear about people who accept and embrace and love the folks who tell them, "Listen, my name isn't Linda.  I go by Mark now.  I hope we can still be friends."  I try to remember to practice patience-many people will come around, given some time.  Ideally, everyone would say, "Mark?  Got it.  And of course we're still friends.  Although, this might make gift shopping harder because guys are harder to shop for than girls." But most have to go through that, "Wait....What?"  moment.  That is often followed by their concern about making a mistake in using the right pronouns, forgetting to use the correct name, trying not to stare on noticing obvious physical differences.....which may make some people withdraw. Others are just superficial, small minded folks whose uncharitable behavior needs to be viewed as what it is-kinda sad, actually.  Don't get me wrong-this sounds great on paper; often, I would prefer to simply bitch-slap such people.  Truly.  But I don't want to go to jail and I don't want to sink to their level, and besides, people like that don't learn from a proper bitch-slapping anyway.

When you feel like you wanna bitch-slap someone, when you feel like the world is just plain ugly and it makes you despair of your own future happiness or the happiness of your beloved child, or relative, go to this website:  www.wegiveadamn.org  Add it to your FB feed.  You will get updates a number of times a week that usually offer great news about what is happening in the LGBT world.  Positive stories about how the straight and narrow world is becoming less narrow minded.  More open hearted.  You'll find out how the LGBT community is helping itself AND how straight/natal gendered folks are understanding the importance of being a helping hand instead of a palm in someone's face.

When you're walking through Lowe's and someone acts like they suddenly don't know you, or you mention your daughter, and co-workers look at each other with raised eyebrows, reach out as soon as possible to a source that will remind you that there are still many, many homes with lanterns in the window.  Refuge from the storm, no matter how short lived, will give you strength.  Folks-we're winning.  Slowly, but surely.  Hell, even a federal judge in Virginia cited the unconstitutionality of not allowing gay couple to marry. VIRGINIA!!!  There's hope, but sometimes you gotta pull out the magnifying glass to see it.  Blessings to you who are brave enough to be your true self and to you who are brave enough to love your family member who has come out.  XO